Last time I wrote about Harry and Sally. They don’t always make the most logical or sensible decisions…at least it seems that way to you and me.
Today I received several phone calls. One saying my new glasses arrived. Another asking about how to respond to a Real Estate deal with a couple added and unexpected twists. These two calls made me think about Harry, Sally, Rose Colored Glasses and how the lenses we see through affect what we see.
My friend called about the Real Estate deal. He really needs a new place to live this week. He called to say that the landlord asked if he wouldn’t mind sending the security deposit to him…in AFRICA.
It wouldn’t be so bad, if he hadn’t wasted a week or two of his time getting things lined up to move into this new place. It seems that a lot of the scams going around prey on people who really can’t afford to be taken advantage of. It also seems they are the ones who are most vulnerable.
It’s the glasses. I’m convinced that we who can least afford to be scammed are most often the ones to be scammed because it is when we are most needy or most desperate for something, that we are vulnerable to being manipulated. My friend desperately needs to move to a new place. He also has limited funds available. When a fantastic deal comes along, he hitches his wagon to it and desperately tries to make the deal work. First, he gets the lease. First month rent and the same amount for a Security Deposit. Pretty standard stuff. The bank is closed on Sunday, so sending funds is delayed. The scammer is very insistent that money be sent TODAY. Well, funds are a little tight. I don’t get paid till next week. Okay, then send the Security Deposit TODAY. By the way, when you send the money to me by MoneyGram, I can send you the keys. Oh, and, I need you to send it to … AFRICA. The scammer has a California phone number and said he lives in California earlier in the week. You can’t send the deposit to AFRICA? Okay, then send it to me in VERMONT. But it is very important that I get the money TODAY….
Have You Ever Been Scammed?
Has anyone successfully scammed you? It is never fun to believe in someone who turns out to be unreal, dishonest or just plain cruel. When you or I choose to be open to a new relationship, a new business venture or a new adventure, it is even more painful to have someone take advantage of us. The new friend disappoints us. Maybe they lied to us and took advantage of us or our generosity. The new business partner steals from us or takes our credibility and good name down with the failure. Maybe the new girlfriend we thought we had turns out to be a guy in Africa…or Galesburg taking advantage of us and stealing our money.
Eventually, Truth Comes Out
Eventually the truth becomes unavoidable. The promises made, are broken. Perhaps the money is sent TODAY, but the keys never arrive. The girlfriend in Galesburg is really just a picture or two and all he really wanted was your money. The Russian lady in Florida ends up moving to Africa t o be with yer son and the estranged father. The lady in Lowell, Massachusetts who contacted you two years ago and had a sister in a life threatening accident in Nigeria, keeps using the same email address every year or so to reintroduce “herself” to you as someone different. Or maybe, the girl stationed in Djibouti stops responding to your text messages.
When you desperately want something to be true, it doesn’t take very much convincing to make you believe that a scam is true. We see the world the way we want it to be. WE look through Rose Colored Glasses. The truth is never exactly what we think it is.
Our ideas, values and expectations always color what we can see.
I Just Want to Be Loved
It is very important to stay open to future possibilities. If we let a trauma or disappointment shut out the possibility of taking risks in the future, the choice does more than we expect. The openness that is required to take risks in the future is the same openness necessary to feel loved. When we shut down, trying to avoid pain, we also shut down our ability to feel loved. Many people choose to avoid pain at all costs, not realizing that they are also giving up their ability to feel special and to be loved.
A Neutral Outside Perspective
We all need a neutral outside source to help us balance our Rose Colored Glasses with reality. Sometimes we see things with Rose Colored Glasses. Sometimes the lenses we see through are far darker than reality. When we have the assistance of a neutral party, it can save us from experiencing so much grief. Our coach is someone who has been through many of the same issues we face and has come out the other side with experience that can save precious time and keep us from great loss. Blind Spots always impact us in ways we con’t expect … because we don’t realize what they are or how they distort what we can see. Our coach and trusted adviser can see the Blind Spots far more clearly than we can, because they are able to be objective. We cannot be. When we react to life situations as they happen, our Blind Spots Hurt Us. Blind Spots are invisible to us. That is why they are called Blind Spots.
Blind Spot Awareness Blueprint and Recovery Guide covers Blind Spots and helps to identify them.
Many relationships achieve balance through what seems like a constant struggle for control. One partner is perhaps overly optimistic, the other balances that seemingly extreme optimism with almost excessive pessimism. Because neither view accurately reflects “reality”, the partners struggle almost daily to remain connected. This struggle takes a great deal of energy. Neither partner feels loved and cared for because the struggle has become their crazy dance.
It is essential that the positive and hopeful future of the optimistic partner is not extinguished by the dark, black, hopeless future of their partner. This is where a neutral third party coach is so necessary. Each partner needs their coach to help them work through issues so they can have a brighter future together. The war with partner can end as each seeks the third person input of the coach to uncover Blind Spots, heal perspectives and invent the best possible future together.
Do you see how helpful your coach is?
The Real Estate Deal
As I was writing, I got another call from my friend. He wanted to update me on the housing problem. My friend contacted the owner on public records and asked about the deal. It turns out that the owner heard from several other people who have been scammed by the same person. At least a half-dozen people got caught by this same scam and actually sent their first month rent and Security Deposit…I’m guessing they sent it to AFRICA. Scams offer such a good deal, until the truth is discovered and NO ONE received any keys. Thankfully, my friend did not send any money, but as I mentioned earlier, a lot of precious time was wasted on this deal.
Do you know anyone who was tricked by a Real Estate Fraud?
We looked a little bit at scams, Blind Spots and Rose Colored Glasses this time. I also reviewed some of the problems that Harry and Sally had last time. It is very important to identify the issues that keep us from being the very best we can be. Blind Spots Hurt Us and keep us stuck in ruts far too long.
Have you taken time to notice how people smile? Do you notice when the smile you see shines from someones eyes? Many people are unable to smile with their eyes because the struggles and stresses of life have dampened their spirit.
When you are Fully Alive! your eyes shine with your beautiful smile!
Are you ready to be Fully Alive!
When you are Fully Alive! with the coach and healthy support system you need to move forward, it is amazing how far you can go!